Unleashing the Inner Monster- A Transparent Me

I don't know why it is, but I have this ability to destroy some one's feelings or build them up with only a few words. I guess we all have that ability, but whether we choose to use that or not, is what sets us apart.

I read a little poem a while back about a mom who wouldn't dare speak a cross word to a stranger, but had no problem blurting out rude commands to her small child when she was frustrated. "Get back I'm working" "Don't touch that!" well any parent, mom or dad, has felt that frustration. And we all fall short at some point.

But I wonder why it is that we exercise such self control toward complete strangers, even when they wrong us, but when it comes to our family, the very ones who love us the most, we unleash the beast!

I was pouring over this subject in prayer last night, after everyone else in my home was asleep. Why am I so quick to condemn and find fault in the precious ones God has placed in my care. My kids AND my husband.

The Lord impressed upon me a scripture last week. Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands. (NAS) At first I felt convicted by this, and wanted to search out ways to improve myself, in certain areas, one being, how I treat my loved ones. But after about two days, I became indignant! *I* do "this" and *I* do "that" why should *I* have to adjust or change anything else? I can't give any more! This is in fact a lie straight from the enemy, one I bought into very easily, because it gave me the "freedom" to give myself a break, and revert to selfpity.

Well, it has been five days since I've given over to this "old" way of thinking, and the Lord has shown me how selfish and destructive this can be! It has been the most miserable five days, I've been so self-absorbed. Have you ever heard the Mercy Me song "So Long Self"? I think we go through this several times in our lives, trying to rid of this ugly person we "used" to be, but just like that scraggly stinky old neighborhood stray cat, they keep coming back to aggravate those around them.

So how do we extract these sinful, selfish personalities from ourselves, when we are so used to them, and it seems that's all we've known? We learn to HATE them! When our hearts become in tune with the Lord, then those old ways are NOT all we know. They are just easier. And the truth is, I can't do anything I do in my own strength. When God gave me that verse, what He wanted me to see, was this..

He made me, all of us, with a deficiency, a need to fill ourselves with Him. And when we don't, we DO become depleted and weakened. Then we go into survival mode, which means, "me first", and our old spirit of selfish rebellion comes back. We begin to ask why God would put such a load on us, and not make us capable to handle it. But, when we give ourselves over, and allow His words to enrich us, and His Spirit to envelope us, we become ALIVE, and able to handle ALL things, through His strength.

We are not to say a prayer, and give ourselves once to God, no more than we can say "I do" and commit to our spouse once at the altar. It is a daily choice!